MTC Day 1

In the spirit of Mahatma Gandhi and Michael Jackson thank you for showing up & making the decision to #BeTheChange you wish to see in the world! Are you excited? Do you feel inspired? Are you ready? Then let’s #MakeThatChange πŸ˜‰

“The way I see it life’s a celebration, especially when we observe without evaluation” ~SiMBa (spirit, mind, & body)

My teammates in pro ball called me Scruggzy (Tony Scruggs) & I followed in my psych PhD Mom’s footsteps by going geek & going greek at Ucla! So YNOT (Danza taught me that anagram) go to India & learn non-violence from Gandhi’s grandson in the middle of filming ‘Valentine’s Day’? YNOT learn restorative justice, group privilege & human variation from the architects of each philosophy while ice skating & horseback riding? YNOT take all those experiences I’ve learned & lived and find a way to love & give? Listo?


Now…what is a coach? (Thanks John Wooden)

A coach is someone who teaches us how to be excellent at something, reminds us of our excellence & then every once in awhile let’s us know when we’re being #LessThanExcellent.

…secondly, what’s empathy? Empathy is a PLAN

(P)ractice: Guessing what people are feeling and guessing what people are needing.

(L)anguage: Asking people if they are feeling and needing what we are guessing.

(A)ction: Compassioning [adding ‘ing’ to compassion & making it an action…the practical application of empathy, vs hazing or bullying]

(N)eed: To be seen, heard & understood πŸ˜‰


Lastly…what is conflict resolution?

Conflict resolution is showing people how to see the yes, please & love in every message (internally and externally)

So an empathy coach is someone who teaches us how to be excellent at hearing feelings & seeing needs, reminds of our yes/please/love excellence and then occasionally let’s us know when we’re being less than excellent πŸ™‚



β™ͺHey sun, there you are, I’ve been waiting for your glow & now I sit and soak it in, feel the pain in me go!

Let’s dance, with the bee’s while they pollinate, Let’s dance, with the jackals, dance away the hate!

Today’s the day to celebrate the life we can create & move ahead with hearts of joy, to heal & liberate!

Yo hey sun, there you are, I’ve been waiting for your glow and now I sit and soak it in…feel the pain in me GOβ™ͺ (lyrics by Marshall Rosenberg)

NOW smile for 14 seconds πŸ˜‰ Are you doing it?

…now put the kind of look you’d have on your face (and breathe the way you would) if you felt totally certain!


How are you feeling in this moment?

DAY 1:

The most wonderful strategy I’ve found thus far to resolve conflict is the language of non-violence (aka compassionate communication, NVC or speaking peace) and it’s a style of communication that moves us out of our heads, puts us into our hearts and protects us from hearing anything as a criticism or a demand (while preventing others from hearing what we say as a criticism or a demand)…

…since it’s a 4 part way of speaking where we can connect to ourselves & others, each MTC day will consist of one part per day and in 4 days you’ll have the foundation to talk to anyone about almost anything, if that’s cool with you? πŸ™‚


Do me a favor & think of someone who’s behaving in a way that you don’t like?

Have fun, take your time, be creative……..Got it?

Now what’s one thing this person does or says that you don’t like (ie the observation)? Did you write it down or are you taking mental notes? Now when I ask this Q at playshops I get a wide variety of (& very funny) initial responses (“big mouth, always late, thinks they’re the shit, talks too much, cuts me off, etc”)…what’s yours?

For this e (is for EMPATHY) course let’s use “always late” to illustrate & demonstrate! If an observation (objective truth) is the story of what happened (a direct quote or an observable behavior) and the ‘story of why’ is an evaluation (or subjective truth) do you see how “always late” is an example of subjective truth? The observation in this situation would be (& begin observations with ‘when…’), “When you show up after the agreed time…”! Make sense?

Today’s MAKE THAT CHANGE takeaway:

(1) 1st step to resolving conflict is a clear & objective observation

(2) Start it with ‘when…’

(3) Smile for 14s daily

(4) Stand/breathe/look/strut any emotion you want

Sample Observations:

“Driving faster than I believe is safe”

“Temporarily without a home”

“Eating more than I believe is healthy”

“Carrying extra weight”

‘When you change the way you look at things, the things you look @ change’ ~Wayne Dyer

See ya tomorrow for Day 2 (<- click here when you come back) πŸ™‚ Q’s? Tweet/FB using the tag #MTC4Days (MTC challenge: Make two objective observations today & jot ’em down)


16 thoughts on “MTC Day 1

  1. This was a very good teaching. I enjoyed it very much and think it would be a great teaching for all. I’m so grateful you thought to include me on this 4 day journey. Stay encouraged, keep up the good work. Mxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. β™₯…hey I didn’t know we could reply back, this is Awesome πŸ˜‰

    Well, you were the 1st person EVER to reply to this mashup of Gandhi’s declaration & Michael Jackson’s proclamation, and I’m so deeply Moved, that you are joining us here in this space, especially with everything you have going on!

    Chi of Love, thank you MLW πŸ˜‰


  3. Anonymous says:

    My timing is off….just looking at Day 1..but found this very helpful and relevant, especially today. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Marlise says:

    You have a way with timing. Like the clock within you is beating in time with mine. Its easy to forget these things you remind me of when the time couldn’t be more perfect. What do I think? I think I’m looking forward to day two. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I enjoyed reading this! Well written and easy to understand. The lyrics to the song touched my heart with joy and appreciation. Thank you for being the light, love and empathic creative playful caring soul that you are. Keep shining and sharing your light.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. β™₯…Uno, I kinda forgot how quickly an NVC’er could go thru this! Chi of Love, Thank You for the Companionship & Consideration! Your ‘Verbal Sunshine’ is received with so much Joy πŸ˜‰


  7. Michelle Giles says:

    I loved it! I so need to practice empathy and even though… I’m may not be following the class consecutively, I know it will be the right time at anytime I come back to partake. Thank you for using your life!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. β™₯…on the day that I honor the LIFE of my Mother, I could not imagine a more Wonderful #VerbalGift πŸ˜‰ Chi of Love, Thank You (& as ‘The Wanted’ would sayβ™ͺI’m Glad you cameβ™ͺ) πŸ™‚


  9. I just love this first day, Tony!! The first step towards resolving conflict; stating a clear and objective observation, is great. It immediately seems to release negative energy one might have when involved in a conflict with another person. Then having us start with the word β€˜when’…someone does something we don’t like, disarms us and helps to keep the other person from going on the defensive. Smiling for 14 seconds was a nice surprise. It felt so good I continued smiling for over a minute. Thank you for this first day of learning how to communicate compassionately.

    Liked by 1 person

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