In the spirit of Mahatma Gandhi and Michael Jackson thank you for showing up & making the decision to #BeTheChange you wish to see in the world! Are you excited? Do you feel inspired? Are you ready? Then let’s #MakeThatChange 😉
“The way I see it life’s a celebration, especially when we observe without evaluation” ~SiMBa (spirit, mind, & body)
My teammates in pro ball called me Scruggzy (Tony Scruggs) & I followed in my psych PhD Mom’s footsteps by going geek & going greek at Ucla! So YNOT (Danza taught me that anagram) go to India & learn non-violence from Gandhi’s grandson in the middle of filming ‘Valentine’s Day’? YNOT learn restorative justice, group privilege & human variation from the architects of each philosophy while ice skating & horseback riding? YNOT take all those experiences I’ve learned & lived and find a way to love & give? Listo?
Now…what is a coach? (Thanks John Wooden)
A coach is someone who teaches us how to be excellent at something, reminds us of our excellence & then every once in awhile let’s us know when we’re being #LessThanExcellent.
…secondly, what’s empathy? Empathy is a PLAN
(P)ractice: Guessing what people are feeling and guessing what people are needing.
(L)anguage: Asking people if they are feeling and needing what we are guessing.
(A)ction: Compassioning [adding ‘ing’ to compassion & making it an action…the practical application of empathy, vs hazing or bullying]
(N)eed: To be seen, heard & understood 😉
Lastly…what is conflict resolution?
Conflict resolution is showing people how to see the yes, please & love in every message (internally and externally)
So an empathy coach is someone who teaches us how to be excellent at hearing feelings & seeing needs, reminds of our yes/please/love excellence and then occasionally let’s us know when we’re being less than excellent 🙂
MAKE THAT CHANGE (MTC) song time:
♪Hey sun, there you are, I’ve been waiting for your glow & now I sit and soak it in, feel the pain in me go!
Let’s dance, with the bee’s while they pollinate, Let’s dance, with the jackals, dance away the hate!
Today’s the day to celebrate the life we can create & move ahead with hearts of joy, to heal & liberate!
Yo hey sun, there you are, I’ve been waiting for your glow and now I sit and soak it in…feel the pain in me GO♪ (lyrics by Marshall Rosenberg)
NOW smile for 14 seconds 😉 Are you doing it?
…now put the kind of look you’d have on your face (and breathe the way you would) if you felt totally certain!
How are you feeling in this moment?
The most wonderful strategy I’ve found thus far to resolve conflict is the language of non-violence (aka compassionate communication, NVC or speaking peace) and it’s a style of communication that moves us out of our heads, puts us into our hearts and protects us from hearing anything as a criticism or a demand (while preventing others from hearing what we say as a criticism or a demand)…
…since it’s a 4 part way of speaking where we can connect to ourselves & others, each MTC day will consist of one part per day and in 4 days you’ll have the foundation to talk to anyone about almost anything, if that’s cool with you? 🙂
Part 1: The OBSERVATION
Do me a favor & think of someone who’s behaving in a way that you don’t like?
Have fun, take your time, be creative……..Got it?
Now what’s one thing this person does or says that you don’t like (ie the observation)? Did you write it down or are you taking mental notes? Now when I ask this Q at playshops I get a wide variety of (& very funny) initial responses (“big mouth, always late, thinks they’re the shit, talks too much, cuts me off, etc”)…what’s yours?
For this e (is for EMPATHY) course let’s use “always late” to illustrate & demonstrate! If an observation (objective truth) is the story of what happened (a direct quote or an observable behavior) and the ‘story of why’ is an evaluation (or subjective truth) do you see how “always late” is an example of subjective truth? The observation in this situation would be (& begin observations with ‘when…’), “When you show up after the agreed time…”! Make sense?
Today’s MAKE THAT CHANGE takeaway:
(1) 1st step to resolving conflict is a clear & objective observation
(2) Start it with ‘when…’
(3) Smile for 14s daily
(4) Stand/breathe/look/strut any emotion you want
“Driving faster than I believe is safe”
“Temporarily without a home”
“Eating more than I believe is healthy”
“Carrying extra weight”